So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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