Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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