Define "chronic" masturbator.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
did i just pee glitter
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
