i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
