if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I believe in your delicious
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
