Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
