I'm eating all of the evidence.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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