Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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