I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
