Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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