how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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