i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
