Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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