This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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