Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
