Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
