smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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