I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
