We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
