Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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