i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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