someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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