My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
