I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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