hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
