u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
