great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
