I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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