ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
