I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
