You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
even my farts smell like vagina
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
