So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
