dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
