Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
