My first STD was from a foam party
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
