its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
