In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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