This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
