you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
time to smoke my breakfast
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
