Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
