Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize