I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
