There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
