Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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