i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
