If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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