if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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