worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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