worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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