Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I looked at my own cervix.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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