I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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