well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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