Having a random hookup so left but love u
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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