There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
