That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
