end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
