There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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