life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize