2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
