is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
