I love how my cats smell like pot.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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