How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
