If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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