The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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