you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
