Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
