Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
