Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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