if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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