youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
