I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
