So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
