I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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