Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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