Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
