Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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