Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
