this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
