Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
